he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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