Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
