This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
