Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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