is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
