tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
