yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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