How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
