How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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