Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
