I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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