Sry I called you an 8
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
