I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
