i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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