After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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