so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
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There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
worst night to have a conscience
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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