someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
