How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
