I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
