Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
