If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
