If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
