what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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