Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
