Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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