when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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