My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
