If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
