I think I won the penis lottery.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
