remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
