Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
