last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
