I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Bring me that man meat
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
