The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
