please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
