what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
