so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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