I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
