He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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