nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
where are my eyebrows?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
