On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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