So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Pants are for mortals
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
