Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
