drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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