I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
