AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize