Redeem this text for a blowjob
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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