You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
