so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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