I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
