The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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