I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
