we made out on top of his cat.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
