I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
