eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
50% drunk capacity currently
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
