Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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