Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
