dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
