what day is it and did you see me today?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
