No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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