why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
