Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
